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Look -- we're a little busy now, ok? We're a little preoccupied here. We got stuff to do. But just because we can't answer the mail doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to read a sampling of it, right? In fact, I daresay some of you should start pulling your weight around here and answer some of these fine people's questions. Now tell me, is that too much to ask?

Date: Sun, 16 Aug 1998 16:17:38 -0400
From: David Spiro <>
Subject: Just a small thank you.

Donald and Walter,
This is just a simple note to say thank you for all of your fine music
during all these years. I have enjoyed listening to both SD, and
Donald's solo work tremendously, and there usually is not a day that
goes buy that I have at least one SD cassette in my car.

Last year, while awaiting a liver transplant at Mt. Sinai Hospital in
NYC, I brought with me a portable CD player, and portable cassette
player. I made sure that I had all of my SD, and Donald's solo work with
me. I actually got one of my nurses so into the music, that she went out
and bought a copy of The Royal Scam after one listen. I'm not sure if
she has continued to purchase other albums, but, one can only hope so.

I am looking forward to the new album, whenever that might be. All my
best to you both.
Dave Spiro EMT-P - Liver transplant 8/1/97

Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1998 20:14:20 -0400
From: "William J. Pollock" <>
Subject: Expressions

Thanks Walter for letting me run up my phone bill while calling long
distance across the country to chat with a friend on your
"Expressions Not To Be Used In A Recording Studio" ....after the first 10 we were in
tears and proceeded to go through all 60....twice......sort of like
trying to play the Kid solo lefty.....anyway...keep the stuff coming.

Date: Tue, 18 Aug 1998 20:19:52 -0700
From: Andy Rubin <>
Subject: Youngest Fan

To the person closest to the band,

I recently heard a radio interview where Walter Becker claimed "Our
youngest fans are college students." FALSE INFORMATION! My buddy and I
are 16 year-old high school students in Malibu, and we both love Steely
Dan. I personally own every album on LP! Imagine that! And we are
anxiously waiting for another tour. We will gladly brave an audience of
"baby boomers" as Becker put it, to see the band perform, wherever it
may be. So keep working with the relief that you are now aware you have
YOUNG fans, true fans.


Andy Rubin
Danny Saffron

Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1998 10:36:49 EDT
Subject: A Simple "Thank You".

For 26 years of great music and memories. You guys really are the "gold
standard". Thanks.

Date: Tue, 25 Aug 1998 12:45:33 EDT
Subject: CDs, Cassettes, Videos

xxxx ... for all your music needs

500 CDs - $ 1195.00
1000 CDs - $ 1595.00
Pricing includes editing, mastering, equalization, design & computer time,
standard full color art insert & tray card, photo, two colors on CD, all film,
printing, jewel boxes, & shrinkwrap: ready to sell. Fast turnaround. Every
day low prices. NO HIDDEN CHARGES.

500 Cassettes - $ 795.00
1000 Cassettes - $ 1095.00
Includes editing, mastering, equalization, up to 40 minutes, free design &
computer time on standard J-card with full color front, photo, direct imprint,
norelco & shrinkwrap. NO SETUP FEES.
chrome - addtional 10 cents each

300 Videos (60 min.) $ 4.95 each
500 Videos (60 min.) $ 3.95 each
from your edited master. Free design, full color on box, photo, film,
printing, face label, & shrinkwrap.

For extra folds on CD folders or J-cards, or discounts with your film or more
information, Call xxx or

Date: Sun, 30 Aug 1998 08:58:38 -0400
Subject: fyi


i just wanted to tell you about, most likely, your youngest fan. My son is
now 19 months old. Ever since i could actually notice a preference, which
has been since at least 12 months of age, he just loves you. His first
favorite album was royal scam, kid charlemagne was his favorite, then green
earings. Now, at 19 months, he is really into Alive in America. Forget,
barney, forget seseme street, whenever he is "alittle aggitated or bored" I
put on either of these albums and he starts bopping and smiling. We go
everywhere with these tapes. People can't believe it when they see his
reaction. He is now into Bodhisativa. Outside of being really cute, i
feel he also has great taste. I just thought you might get a kick out of
this, like we do.

Thanks for all the great music and the moments of complete bliss.

A grateful mom.

From: xxx-Spam@Stinks-xxx
Date: Fri, 04 Sep 1998 11:35:57 -0400
Subject: Thanks for the autographs (oh, and the CD)

Dear Walter and Donald,

You guys are so cool. This is a true story: I responded to the
Lemon Tree thing with a request for the Bill Frisell album, and bigger than
shit it came in the mail a few days later - WITH WALTER BECKER'S AND
bonus, there was what appears to be a cat hair in there too! Which one
of you guys has the yellow cat?

I was a little skeptical about the Lemon Tree thing, you know, it kind
of looked like one those funny jabs you sometimes do like when Walter
sort of called Bruce Hornsby a hillbilly, and how you seem to be saying
that because of Kenny G (I assume it wasn't David Liebman) the soprano
sax is a failed enterprise. But I figured what the heck, I enjoy Bill
Frisell, and if Walter Becker is trying to trick me into making a
horse's ass of myself by admitting it just to satisfy his demonic sense
of humor it's the least I can do to repay the guy for Book of Liars and
Lucky Henry and all the rest (yes, I have ALL the rest).

I have to say, it's not my favorite Bill Frisell album, though
admittedly I don't have them ALL. But it could be the full Miles at the
Plugged Nickel set and the autographs would still be the most exciting

Thanks for all of the music, and for hanging in for later innings.
Please don't print my email address, I know I'd be flooded with offers
for the CD and it's not for sale.

Bruce in CT

From: "Fike, David M." <>
Subject: Oh well
Date: Fri, 4 Sep 1998 14:44:41 -0400

D & W,

Perhaps if you guys weren't such smartasses and difficult bastards to
work with you might have been able to do some REAL work with REAL
musicians, namely jazz musicians. But what a pain in the ass you guys
can be so you f***ked it up. What you've done has been recognized, but
nothing compared to the Metheny's of music. Dabbling in shite and
spending forever writing mediocre stuff because you've got to squeeze to
get it out since you spend most of your energy on being difficult
smartass pricks. Oh well.

David Fike

Date: Tue, 08 Sep 1998 21:28:21 -0400
From: Matt & Cathy Miller <>
Subject: Freaks of all shapes and sizes, no doubt

I've been reading mail sent to Steely Dan.
Jesus H. Christ, I hope I never get famous. People out there are
freaks! I'd be afraid to come out of the house....
Bart H. Simpson

Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1998 11:48:09 EDT
Subject: Merchandise?

Dear Steely Dan,

My name is Susan Bariletti and my fiance is a huge fan of Steely Dan. He has
always mentioned to me how cool it would be to have SD gear(T-shirts, jackets,
etc.) to wear and show his pride in being a fan. He missed his chance to see
the band in '94 due to his deployment schedule with the Navy. After recently
watching a Doobie Brothers' video, he noticed that Cornelius Bumpus was
wearing a SD jacket. Ever since then he has been trying to find out
information on attaining such apparel. Could you PLEASE help me in my quest
to find the perfect gift for one of your biggest fans? Thank you so very


SD WebDrone replies:You are not the first to remind us that we are the neanderthals of on-line merchandising. But we ARE getting our act together -- Or not. See?

From: "Larry Martin" <>
Subject: Hello
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 1998 11:53:02 PDT


If anyone asks me who my favorite band is, I simply reply Steely Dan.
What can I say, Steely Dan has been my favorite group for many, many
years. That's all I really wanted to say.


LJ Martin

From: xxx
Subject: ouch
Date: Fri, 18 Sep 1998 17:37:00 -0400

i think i'm feeling this like, emotial pain and stuff. it's like this like electric feeling in the left side of my chest that radiates out and makes my brain kind of weak in the knees. i don't know what this has to do with anything but i was just reading your website and why aren't there more pictures i'm not feeling all that well. thanks.

ken hatch
p.s. if you put this in the mail thing there, please don't publish the e-mail address, as it belongs to the company i work for, and i'm in enough trouble already.

Date: Tue, 22 Sep 1998 16:52:00 -0400
From: John Dawson <>
Subject: Hola de un Ventilador

Dear Steely Gives,

Since I found its Web site of the inflammation, I finish wishing to fall a short note to him to say how much I dig his music. To listen to at least one his file
every day, if in my stereo, later I not to be hearing he in my imagination,
that to be almost as good because I for having to listen to its song so long time.

I see that you are leaving with a new album. How it goes? They are those
singers of two bottoms that we see in the levy of Give? This means to him is putting the tacts of the completion in its recording and will be in favor towards outside of Christmas?

Mainly desire the opinion how the hip I thinks that you individual them are.
If he to be not for you, hippest bandage to have to be Puncture, and he to be English
and he to be nonuniform one bandage. Of course, neither you are.


Juan DeAngelo

P.S. I am having certain hardship locating of a recording "Of The Secret
Of The Elephant." What album is this one ignition? Or it is hardly in bootleg?

Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1998 14:21:31 -0600
From: Christopher Jansen <>
Subject: The Dream

I've got to share this with you guys!

I woke up this fine Tuesday morning, September 29, 1998 - and remembered
bits and pieces of a very profound dream I had the night before. I was
listening to the new Steely Dan CD. I swear I was listening to the
first three cuts. I thought to myself, "strange . . . this is kinda
different, but its hip, really hip."

Here's the dismal news: I can't remember how any of the stuff goes -
you know how tormented and sick dreams can be? It's just not right!

Date: Wed, 30 Sep 1998 04:24:27 EDT
Subject: QUIT!!!


Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1998 03:13:09 EDT
Subject: No Subject

Dear Donald and Walter,

Surely you guys omitted two must words from your "words not to use in a song

"Szechuan" and "dumpling"

Date: Tue, 27 Oct 1998 13:43:42 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Wayne

Hi there,

Did Wayne really work in Kinko's, as he said in the Life in the AfterDan page, or was he joking? Plesase please tell me...




Date: Fri, 06 Nov 98 12:45:33 -0500
Subject: A Scientific Analysis of the Becker Beer Break

Being the literary masters and cultural pundits that you are, I figured
that you would apperciate being the inspiration for an alliterative
catch phrase that has found its way into the vernacular of every
half-assed local band in the Baltimore area (no Baltimore jokes
please). See, one of the local radio stations coined the phrase "Becker
Beer Break" after your concert at Merriweather Post Pavilion.

Local musicians have realized that the Becker Beer Break is a legitimate
musical, cultural and social phenomenon. When a local band is playing
its own original music at a bar or club, there are some points in the
show when the crowd quickly thins out, moving toward the bar or the
bathroom. This precise point is the Becker Beer Break.

What remains unresolved is the causal effect. What is it that causes
the Becker Beer Break? My theory is that it is always one of two
things. The intensity of the Becker Beer Break effect directly
proportional to two factors: Lameness of Crowd, and Lameness of Song.
These are not easy social concepts to define -- certainly the aspects of
an admirable personality and the inherent beauty of music have been
debated for centuries. Still, I have made an attempt.

There are a number of variables which determine the Lameness of Crowd
factor: number of Sport Utility Vehicles in the parking lot, number of
lame 70's reunion concerts attended in that given summer (i.e., Eagles,
Fleetwood Mac), number of cell phones in crowd, and the number of
binoculars on the lawn.

There are also variables which can determine the Lameness of Song:
number of chords (the less chords, the lamer the song), number of
orgasmic facial contortions during the guitar solo, length of guitar
solo, number of guitarists on stage, mumbling of lyrics, loudness of
music, lame song titles, and feigned sincerity.

My conclusion is that the Becker Beer Break phenomenon, as experienced
at numerous suburban, white-bread, overpriced shed amphitheathers, is
mostly a result of Lameness of Crowd, compounded by the effect of lame
song titles such as "Surf and/or Die."

<insert lame quote from SD song here>,

From: Dennis Marler <>
Subject: Deacon Jim

There Is a con running around the State of Utah by the name of John
Kraig who says he was one of your guitarists, and that you wrote a song
about him Deacon Jim. Any truth to that?
Thanks Dennis Marler (drummer of Prankster)

Date: Thu, 12 Nov 1998 16:50:39 EST
Subject: DanCam

I have realized recently that the Dan Cam is a hoax. Either that, or the same
people are hanging out there every day in the exact same position.

From: "christian riehl" <>
Subject: hi
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1998 18:40:52 PST

i saw some of your past chats at the website. you guys are assholes!!!
but its funny as hell!

Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1998 01:56:14 -0600
Subject: Karoke Update
From: "Brett Barney" <>

What a Year! In only 12 months time I have won almost $2000.00 singing
Steely Dan songs! I got to thinking that my success rate is far greater
than the Dan's chart success, (relatively speaking), and I was just
wondering why that was? Is it because I perform more frequently? Is it
because of my puffy, satin shirt which billows with my every breath? Is it
because I'm exposing a lot of people to some great music they've never heard
before? Or could it be my natural flair for performance that's drivin' the
Koreans wild? Heck, I don't know. But I sure am having fun!

Happy Holidays,

King of Karoke, as Far as I Know,


Date: Sun, 29 Nov 1998 05:57:11 EST
Subject: you bastards

I say "What makes a strat a strat?" My teacher says "This is neat! You can see
them!" I say "I know I'm talented because besides liking that heavy metal
stuff, I like Steely Dan too." My teacher says "Donald's looking old." I say
"He looks gaunt." My teacher says "Wayne Krantz. He's great." I say "We can
see you, you little bastards!" Stop sitting there and get to work.

Date: Mon, 30 Nov 1998 16:22:01 -0500
From: Asaf Peled <>
Subject: Youth in steely dan following

Wow its ... I guess its the real thing !. I was
suprised you guys had your own official site. From what I hear Donald is
the tech. savvy kinda guy .. the site looks great guys. I learned alot
of things about the past history of the band. I'm writing in reference
to something Walter said about the age of your fans in the real audio
interviews they have all over the net when you guys called that D.J.
guy, John Fisher on his birthday. You said every so often you'll get the
occaisional e-mail from a college kid .. well I'm a college kid and I
just wanted to let you know I just recently got into your albums and I'm
glad I did .. you guys are amazing and definatly have the most original
unique style i've been looking for as a replacement for all that
homogenous crap being put out on the radio waves these days. Your music
is reaching the younger guys like myself. I started listening to your
albums when I was going through my older sisters cd stash and I was
suprised to find that there were alot of other people my age who were
really into you guys also. Thats why I had to write and let you know
your music is definatley not dead with the baby boomers of the 60's and
70's .. anyone who can appreciate good music no matter what age should
be able to see that steely dan has that awesome quality which is unlike
anything else. I never knew about S.D. because I never really saw you
guys in the media or heard your songs very often. Alot of classic rock
stations will play reelin' and do it again but until I placed the names
with the songs it never occoured to me who was behind the music. In a
way thats kinda cool because i guess you can say you have developed
somewhat of an underground following and when I say i'm into steely dan
there is still an air of mystery to those who have never heard of you.
You cant get that by saying you are into the doors or some other
over-commercialized band. I think you should get your name out there
though and get some more exposure get some of the younger faces into
your next tour. We'll take the standing room only if necessary ..I know
some of you older folks might need a seat ! just kidding of course. I'm
glad to hearyou guys are recording again and I cant wait to see you in
tour for the first time. Good luck with the new album !


Asaf Peled

From: "Christine Sherry" <>
Subject: Back to work in the Mailroom!
Date: Fri, 8 Jan 1999 17:08:26 -0800

Alright, enough already! Update the emails!!! I am tired of seeing mail from August... Will you upload this message, please??? I'm easily amused. Thanks, Christine

Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1999 00:56:21 EST
Subject: Because your music isn't.

Is your web site a joke?

From: "Stewart E Woodward" <>
Date: Su, 10 Jan 1999 17:57:06 -0500


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