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Look -- we're a little busy now, ok? We're a little preoccupied here. We got stuff to do. But just because we can't answer the mail doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to read a sampling of it, right? In fact, I daresay some of you should start pulling your weight around here and answer some of these fine people's questions. Now tell me, is that too much to ask?

From: "bigdogranch" <>
Date: Sat, 16 Jan 1999 10:15:23 -0600

Hello! I noticed that the mail log is still read your e-mail?

From: "B Joiner" <>
Subject: comments
Date: Mon, 18 Jan 1999 21:06:53 -0600

Dear WebMaster,

You've got to do me a big favor and delete the message I sent early
this morning (or at least don't put it on a web page). I'm the guy who said
I wasn't impressed by Walter Becker's comments in the America On-Line chat
room. Also, I was giving Steely Dan music advice. The only advice I would
give anybody at this point is to not party with friends (intoxication) and
then decide to get on the computer and write to your favorite band. Just
unplug it before you break out the alcohol. And it seemed like such a good
idea at the time.

From: Don Hathaway <>
Subject: Glamour Profession
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1999 12:36:19 -0800

Is this the life story of Ronny Vance?


From: Barbara Todd <>
Subject: website.............
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1999 15:15:12 -0500

Awesome ! Finally !

It's great you guys are back. You have been my favorite since the early seventies ! Yahoo !

From: Barbara Todd <>
Subject: "naked lunch"
Date: Wed, 27 Jan 1999 11:36:02 -0500

where in this book does he refer to the dildo as a "steely dan" ?

From: "ray" <>
Subject: Damned When You Do
Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1999 16:54:48 -0500

you continue to claim "the new one" looms. Fine. But have
you thought about the inevitable backlash? Huh? You know damn well people
hate new things. No matter what you do, the haters are gonna tee off on you
big-time. Sure, the "gushers" will gush no matter what-- you could
release the Hartz-Mountain Parakeet Training Record under your hallowed
name and they'd still gush.... but *what about all the 'Dan fascists out
there*? The pissing and moaning will choke a hog. I've seen their rants
on this site and elsewhere and so have you, no? So here's what I'm getting
at: they're going to claim you've soiled the gig with a new one, so to
speak-- and you'll need an express lane for them to unburden themselves
upon. So, I've crafted this all-purpose quickie form for the haters:

What the fuck is this? What the FUCK is this? We wait ________ years so
you can clam us with this? Fuck you. I won't take this. You fucks are
through, get out. You made more sense when you were coked up. Or
________ed up. Or ________. You humps. What happened to
"______________"? Didn't like it live? Too many bootlegs? Fuckin" prima
donnas. And the shit that made the final cut: "____________". Are you
pullin' my yutz? _____________ years. ___________ fuckin' years! What
about a klezmer tune? I'm surprised you didn't do a goddamn klezmer tune.
Too tricky? And what happened to ____________? Wanna tell me about that?
I thought he wasn't supposed to ______________. You guys are just fulla
surprises. You're gonna have to live with this clam, you know that? If I
were you ____________ers I'd either go into the Witness Protection Program
or sign with ______________. It'd serve both of you right. Ever see that
footage of Mussolini being run through the streets? il Duce got off easy
compared to what's gonna happen to you two ______________s when 'classic'
radio or whoever is fuckin' left tries to flog this. Thank fuck for CD's,
huh? An LP would've only been _________ as long.

Hope this helps. I wish you all the best, but no way would I wanna be you.
By the way, remove my info from this post-- YOU can write me, but your
fans are a little drifty....
-Uncle Ray

Date: Sat, 30 Jan 1999 02:17:26 +1100

Dear Mr. Magnificent one,

G.......G'day...........(cough, gasp, wheeze etc.)

A-U-S-T-R-A-L-I-A : Large Island continent - Southern Hemisphere.
A-U-S-T-R-A-L-I-A-N : (Steelydanus desperatus)NOT EXTINCT !!! YET.
Population: Thousands, but in dire need of nourishment.
Do what's right. Save an endangered species
Live contact essential.
We need sumfin dat we did never had ! Sit us on fire !!!! ???


Love always

Date: Sat, 30 Jan 1999 00:38:27 +0900
From: The Comptons <>
Subject: Must have new albub...or death...will...occur...

Date: Sat, 30 Jan 1999 11:28:35 EST
Subject: TOURING

MOOSE - 51

Date: Sun, 31 Jan 1999 20:20:27 +0100

Ciao Don ciao Walter Scusatemi se vi scrivo nella mia lingua, l'italiano,ma il mio inglese non e' dei migliori,spero che qualcuno vi possa tradurre il tutto. Vi ascolto da piu' di 20 anni ora ne ho 38,e da quel momento mi sono innamorato della vostra m usica. Mi risulta ora molto difficile ascoltare qualcosa che non sia vostro, i miei figli stessi stanno crescendo sulle note di JOSIE,BODHISATTVA,BABILON SISTER. E' il mio primo messaggio che mando via internet e spero che vi possa giungere e lo possiat e leggere. Purtroppo qui non arrivano molte notizie su di voi, io stesso prima di consultare il vostro sito non conoscevo gran parte della vostra storia. Vi ringrazio per le vostre bellissime canzoni, che mi hanno tenuto,e che ancor oggi,mi tengono comp agnia nei momenti della giornata. Spero che al piu' presto esca il vostro cd, ma vorrei sapere, visto che in Italia le mie ricerche sono state vane,se esistono delle riprese filmate del vostro tour 96 orchestra ART CRIMES al fine di poterlo acquistare Vi ringrazio per tutto LORENZO VISENTINI

Date: Tue, 02 Feb 1999 10:36:11 -0800
From: Mike Hanns <>
Subject: This is good for a laugh!!


NAME OF OFFENDER (Bass Player)_______________________

INFRACTION DATE___________________________

[ ] Playing loudly during warm up - $10
[ ] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping - $25
[ ] Loud cursing after mistake - $10
[ ] Playing high and fast after mistake - $20
[ ] Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes - $20
[ ] Asking for "E" tuning note - $25
[ ] Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb - $50
[ ] Playing written-out walking line - $50
[ ] Failure to play written walking line - $75
[ ] Writing note names over ledger-line notes - $50
[ ] Writing beat numbers under dotted figures - $50
[ ] Playing eighth notes - $5 each
[ ] Playing sixteenth notes - $10 each
[ ] Playing above 1st octave - immediate dismissal
[ ] Dragging fast tempo - $7
[ ] Dragging ballad tempo - $100
[ ] Blacking out during ballad - $200
[ ] Ignoring drummer's tempo - $100
[ ] Following drummer's tempo - $250
[ ] Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me - $1000

[ ] Showing up before first downbeat - $25
[ ] Playing audibly - $25
[ ] Faking changes - $25
[ ] Slapping - $150
[ ] Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass - $25
[ ] Excessive sweating - $25
[ ] Pedal point double-stops during horn solo - $50
[ ] Asking leader for a solo - $30
[ ] Accepting solo when offered - $50
[ ] Taking second chorus - $100
[ ] Playing solo arco - $400
[ ] Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune - $100
[ ] Playing "A Train" ending on every tune - $200
[ ] Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune - $500

[ ] Checking hair between tunes - $15
[ ] Experimenting with odd meters - $25
[ ] Missing root at end of blistering fill - $25
[ ] Playing with a pick - $50
[ ] Tuning during ballad - $30
[ ] Playing Jaco groove on samba - $75
[ ] Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad - $150
[ ] Attempting last word on final chord - $50
[ ] Achieving last word on final chord - $100
[ ] Long gliss down to final note - $200

[ ] Forgetting strap - $10
[ ] Changing strings after every set - $15
[ ] Using electric tuner - $15
[ ] Setting up mic "just in case" - $75
[ ] Forgetting to turn amp on - $40
[ ] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip - $50
[ ] Asking horn player for help moving amp - $25
[ ] Bringing custom-made bass - $100 per string above 4
[ ] Bringing more than 1 bass - $100 per extra bass
[ ] Skull decals on bass - $150
[ ] Bringing fretless bass - $500

[ ] Telling bone player about all the gigs you get - $10
[ ] Asking bone player about their day gig - $10
[ ] Sitting behind drums on break - $10
[ ] Quoting "Birdland" - $25
[ ] Practicing scales during break - $25
[ ] Practicing scales during drum solo - $50
[ ] Practicing - $150
[ ] Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." - $50
[ ] Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are "into sequencing" - $100

[ ] Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt - $10
[ ] Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt - $20
[ ] Asking when the rock set starts - $20
[ ] Continually asking "where are we?" - $25
[ ] Continually shouting "Yeah!" - $25
[ ] Asking bone player where "1" is - $50
[ ] Taking cell phone call during 4's - $100

Date: Thu, 4 Feb 1999 12:58:48 EST

I have just recently started listening to Steely Dan. My father has been a fan
for many years but I never really listened. I picked up the greatest hits cd
about a month ago and now that's almost all I listen to. I think you guy's are
great! I can't wait to listen to the new album. I was wondering if you were
planning on touring this year? I would love to see Steely Dan live.Thanks.
Scott Pilarski

From: "Curtis J Hutchison" <>
Date: Thu, 4 Feb 1999 16:14:07 -0600

Dear Mr. Fagen and Mr. Becker:
Your perplexing communiqué might be effective for music, but when you use
it in your website, it sucks. People visit to find out what
the hell's going on with you guys, but all we ever get is this twisted,
demented nonsense. How about some real information please?
- Curtis

From: "julie" <>
Subject: big fan
Date: Thu, 4 Feb 1999 19:51:49 -0500

this is willie from pa. i love you guys, my all time favorate band love the site . have a good one.

Date: Fri, 05 Feb 1999 20:35:40 -0600
From: Billy Belzer <>
Subject: with the studs that match your eyes

Hmmm. Steely Dan. Yes.
I remember being 15 years old on vacation with my parents, precocious, with
lemon juice in my hair, filling kleenex and under the influence of Gaucho.
Steely Dan made me think adult thoughts and practice bass guitar.

All I do is dream.

From: "Schmidt, David P" <>
Subject: Can I get a little help?
Date: Tue, 9 Feb 1999 17:17:19 -0800

Have you seen my wallet? I'm re-tracing my steps and I think I was at this
web site last week;. If you find it please leave it at the front desk,
I'll check back next week.

(I don't mind losing the money but it's such a pain to cancel all my credit
cards and get all those Rx forms reproduced.)



Date: Sun, 14 Feb 1999 03:01:35 EST
Subject: HOW MUCH IS IT???

...hey Walter, i just checked out the "dan cam", now you know me know me as a
purveyor of fine vintage, used and rare guitars of distinction, i should be
asking you about those great guitars of yours, hanging out on your studio
walls, up there at your fine pineapple plantation, and I should be trying to
purchase that old TELE on the floor in front of you in the control room
too...but what I really want to know is....HOW MUCH FOR YOUR

Date: Wed, 17 Feb 1999 12:24:30 -0800
From: "C. F. Shifflett II" <>
Subject: Now, I've mentioned this before...

My dearest Walt & Donald,

From time to time, I visit your site for the latest update on your new
projects, and after several hundred visits, I have come to the
conclusion that for being that you guys are the great "Steely Dan", you
should have a better web presence than the poor excuse for a web site
that you've been pushing for the last couple of years. Okay, I realize
what you guy are about is the music, but come on, if you're going to put
on a global stripshow, why would you want to put out the ugliest bitch
in town to warm up the crowd. Am I right?

Your website IS that ugly bitch.

You might as well have a text only web site, at least then we won't be
subjected to anymore so-called "art" that is laughable and thematically

Dudes! Come on, give us a break!

I understand that some of your web site's images have a special
significance to you guys, and may give you a certain warm and fuzzy
feeling whenever you stumble on it, but after this amount of time it's
about as interesting to us, your web surfing fans, as an old copy of TV
Guide in the john.

Nothing personal, it just sucks! We want new "REAL" art, that's all we
ask. Not this entry level art student grad shit.

As I said before, I know this guy who is a kick ass web artist and he...
Aw, who am I kidding- It's ME! I'm the kickass web artist who can turn
your site around. Let me make new art for your site, for FREE!!!! That's
right, F - R - (fuckin) - E - E ! Okay? I do anything just make going to
your site for the same ol' message, "Working on it" worth reading again
and again and again.

Call me to stop the madness!

With respect, your humble sycophant,

Caude Shifflett

P.S. Love your music and your blah, blah, blah.

P.S.S. I bet you thought I was joking. NOT!

Date: Thu, 18 Feb 1999 12:33:12 +0800
From: holly7 <>
Subject: Happy New Rabbit from Taipei


The Night Before the New Rabbit, up here in the tropical hills above
Taipei, we thorough mix of races, ages and genders danced under the Moon
to Boddhisattva...the sparkle of your China...and yelled to raise the
stars to My Old School....
Thanks for all the years....
Best Love from

Jonny Chandler

(Who put Can't Buy a Thrill on order for three months pre-release UK way
back then)

From: "Andrew Wilson" <>
Subject: Humor meets Japan!
Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1999 23:35:44 +0900

Donald & Walter, Great website! I had a good laugh when I read "words not to use in songs" and "expressions to avoid during a record session". Almost forgot this kind of humor existed after living and working in seven years in Japan. By the way , I was one of the rowdies (total of 2) at the Tokyo "Autumn '96 tour" show. We were the ones who yelled out "King of the world" at the top of our lungs while the Budokan was quiet enough to here a pin drop. Donald, I think we got a chuckle from you too but it was like "nice try guys, but no cigar!". If I may, please play King of the World the next time you come to Tokyo. We will be grateful FOREVER! My rowdy accomplish, who shall remain nameless because he is originally from Orange County, quipped that going to concerts (pop/rock/etc.) in Japan is like NHK music appreciation hour (NHK is Japan's national public service TV station and everyone is ever so attentive and quiet during music appreciation hour). Cheers, Andrew Wilson

Date: Sat, 20 Feb 1999 20:02:39 -0800
From: Patricia Gleason <>
Subject: How to meet Mr. Fagan???

Dear Donald,

will you have dinner with me???? I think you are a true genius!!
In admiration,

Patricia. (West Hollywood)

Date: Sat, 20 Feb 1999 20:07:36 -0800
From: Patricia Gleason <>
Subject: How to meet Mr. Fagen??

Sorry - I didn't mean to mispell that "last name"...

From: "Ryan McMahon" <>
Subject: Happy Birthday Walter
Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1999 21:47:43 -0600

Happy birthday WB! Thanks for all the great music!

Date: Tue, 23 Feb 1999 14:15:54 -0800 (PST)
From: Craig Kline <>
Subject: Slow n' steady

Dear Mr. Dan,
I was so glad to happen across your web site in my daily perusal of
the Internet. I'm glad to see that you are doing well and was even
more pleasantly surprised to see that you are about to enter the
studio to begin recording another album. Being an artist myself, (I
paint pictures of crustaceans on black velvet- except crawdad, too
easy) I have some advice to give you before you embark on this
creative journey. If I have learned anything in my twenty-one years in the arts
it is to take my time! By all means, don't rush it! I learned
this important lesson, thanks to a humiliating incident, early in my
career and haven't forgotten it since. While at a friend's house for
dinner one night I was sitting across from a lovely 8x10 (feet)
painting of a Brine Shrimp I had done a few months prior. To my
embarrassment I noticed that, in my haste to complete the picture
before Christmas, I had only painted EIGHT LEGS! It was nothing that a couple of strokes of the brush couldn't fix, but it did teach me the
valuable lesson the haste does indeed make waste. So, good luck to
you, and remember: "slow and steady wins the race".

Date: Thu, 25 Feb 1999 23:47:21 EST
Subject: Thank you, guys

Dear Don and Walt,
Being almost 16 years old, I guess you fellows might be wondering what some
hormone-ravaged, peer pressure-resisting, too-intelligent-for-his-own-good kid
like me is doing being absolutely enthralled and totally loving every single
facet of every song you have recorded (and I have on record) instead of
"flowin' to a Snoop Dog Def Jam" or rocking to Smashing Pumpkins or some such
garbage like those types of modern groups.
Truth is, from the moment I first heard you on the radio (It was "Reelin' In
The Years") I was instantly enraptured with your music. Being an aspiring (if
in a fantasy) musician myself, I always wanted to be able to be as creative in
the same way the two of you are. The music is the absolute perfect blend of
jazz melody and rock beat and the lyrics are simply extravagant but oddly
appealing; these I have longed for in a group, and one day, I found you on the
I have just picked up The "Alive In America" album, and I love that, too. I
would kill (well, maybe not exactly, but at least go to great lengths) to see
you guys live one day. Just like my father before me, who has every one of
your studio albums on those old reel-to-reel tapes like those you record on, I
hope one day that dream may come true.
I also am looking forward to, and are somewhat surprised that I didn't hear
earlier, your new album. I hope you guys come up with a release date soon, if
you don't already have one.
Keep the genius alive, at least so that young people like me who live for your
music can continue to enjoy it as much as possible for years to come.
Hey, maybe in a few years, if I get good enough and you guys are insane
enough, I could play my favorite, "King Of The World", on stage with you
(yeah, right, in my wildest dreams). I hope you stop down in Sunrise, FL or
East Rutherford, NJ, at a date and time when I can fulfill one of my lifelong
goals on your next tour, if you so choose to go through that ringer again.
Have fun and may God bless you both. Hope to see you some day!
Your most devout fan for his age,
Jeff Sharon

PS- You guys don't E-mail back, do you? If you find the time (which is highly
unlikely in the first place), I would appreciate hearing from you. Many
PPS- Before you leave the studio, make sure you "Clean this mess up else You
all and up in jail...Just get it all outta here!" Later!

Date: Tue, 02 Mar 1999 15:52:53 -0800
From: john wayne <>
Subject: All you idiots just back off!

While all of you sappy joik-offs are split, slathering praise and
demanding information on tours and new releases, those of us that truly
understand the inner-sanctom of the Steely Dan cerabellum know that, in
true SD fashion, W & D will respond when they damn-well feel like it.
So just back off and be patient! Besides Wa and Da (those are my close,
personal buddy nick-names for Walter and Donald) know just what side of
their bread is buttered by this afficianado. Isn't that right guys?
Guys? So, uh, just when are we going to see you buttheads again? Huh?
And when is your new album going to hit the shelves? Huh? When? WHEN?

Adam Andrews

Date: Wed, 03 Mar 1999 11:40:17 -0500
From: Andrew Maletz <>
Subject: in honor of your work...

we (a handful of graduate architecture students) will be holding what we have
coined a "steelydanathon". Clearly we are not as good at making up names
as you are. regardless, the event will happen on Wednesday march 10 and
will include a comprehensive listening of the tunes, chronologically, including
some dusty early stuff.. All this while the rest of the fortunate folks at the
university spring break in Peru with Pina Coladas. So you should know that
your music will be resonating through the hall for a good 8-10 hours. Guest
appearances (or at least words of encouragement) are quite welcome.

anxiuosly awaiting your new album,

Klaus and the Rooster
(Andrew , Ben, et al)
Miami University School of Architecture
Oxford, Ohio

Date: Sun, 7 Mar 1999 06:11:54 EST
Subject: simply...

wanting to say thanks for the couple of hours worth of amusement

From: "James Stewart" <>
Subject: Bitchmaster Bill didn't seem too partisan to me.
Date: Sun, 7 Mar 1999 16:33:54 -0700

Guys, what the hell is that person talking about who thought your rap about national PR and Bitchmaster Bill was left-wing partisan editorial? Obviously this guy doesn't know good-natured humor. My guess is (before writing the note) he had seen a picture of the two of you circa 1975 and his imagination kicked in. He probably even imagined that right after your comment about Bitchmaster Bill, you had also said something about "down with the establishment, man!" By the way, the biggest cri me of the century wasn't Watergate but Third World Man replacing Second Arrangement. Thanks for all the incredible God-like music -- even the un-God-like folky rancid crap filling in more than a few cracks on the first four albums. Ready to buy the new one -- when it hits the shelves April 12, 2327. Isaiah Stewart (

Date: Fri, 12 Mar 1999 01:04:39 -0500
Subject: A convert misguided
From: "Lorraine Driscoll/Will Layman" <>

Dear Walt and Don --

As a high school teacher, I am doing my best to convert the latest generation of rebellious teenagers into suspended fourth chord loving Dan-freaks. All too often their reaction is simple: "What elevator did you get that shit out of . . . ? Actually, that was weird . . . ."

Sometimes, though, a kid hears it;. He (or she -- but they're NEVER "she's" let's face it) will let down his defenses and embrace the bitterness, the shameless obscurity, the unpleasant scent of sophistication. "Which album should I buy first?" Katy Lied, I tell them.) "Which is the best saxophone solo?" they want to know. (No contest, I say, "Aja.")

The latest Danny Boy at The Field School has been proceeding apace, but came up to me this Tuesday to announce that he had just purchased Groucho.

My suggestion is simply this. Scrap this new album. Lord knows, don't call it anything like Stitch in Time. Rewrite all the songs. Begin recording anew. Go deeper into self-referential mania.

Call it Groucho.

-- Will Layman (, The Field School, Washington, DC

From: "Jim Paty" <>
Subject: this site
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999 17:17:00 -0600

I love it. I tried to resist sending fan-mail, but the letter to Kawai on
top of the others and the reviews I had to give in.

Please don't abandon it. If nothing else, please update it in between
working on your songs.

Jim Paty

Date: Sat, 20 Mar 1999 20:43:03 -0600
Subject: Quick question...

I've got a Steely Dan song running through my head, but I can't remember
the words. Anyone know 'em?

From: "Carl A. Johnson" <>
Subject: March 1974 at Central Michigan University
Date: Sat, 27 Mar 1999 14:42:18 -0500

Hi Guys! I still have vivid memories of your gig at Central Michigan
University in March 1974. The student radio station at CMU sponsored the
show, and I scored tickets because I played Bodisivatta constantly during
my radio show. I remember the house lights going down at the start of the
show and one lone spotlight hit a "Holiday Inn" bathtowel that was hung
from the front of Donald's keyboard. As everyone stared at the bathtowel,
the soundboard announcer proclaimed that the towel means that there is
going to be a large party after the show at the Mt Pleasant, Michigan
Holiday Inn and that ladies especially were invited to this party. The
announcer then shouted "That's called rock and roll". The crowd went
banannas and the band immediately started doing the meanest version of
Bodisivata you've ever heard in your life, with Baxter, Diaz and Becker
taking turns doing a high speed extended guitar jam at the final climax of
the song. Absolutely fantastic!!!! It's still to this day one of my
fondest concert memories!
From: "Carl A. Johnson" <>

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