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CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL AND PREVENTION
INTERNATIONAL TRAVELERS' HEALTH INFORMATION

Art Crimes '96 Addendum

Behavioral Syndromes Associated with Euro-Touring


Browser's Syndrome:
Prolonged prowling of pharmacy/dispensing chemist's shelves for OTC preparations containing significant quantities of opiates and opiate derivatives.


Wry's Condition:
Profound state of mental anguish brought on by inability to flirt effectively with attractive shop girls, promoter's production secretaries, etc., due to the incomprehensibility of American humor to the average English-speaking European.


Quid-Pro-Quoitis:
Behavioral excesses resulting from misguided belief that one is entitled to act like an asshole, as a way of getting even for the behavioral excesses and road manners of European windsurfers visiting Hawaii


Sartre's Defect:
Depression resulting from inability to persuade the average house doctor at an expensive European hotel that "existential angst" is a treatable condition that can be controlled with proper medication.


Baxter's Dysphoria:
State of marked unhappiness resulting from inability to persuade one's wife or girlfriend that in Western Europe a blowjob is an accepted way of saying "welcome to my country" and that to refuse this affectionate greeting is to bring disgrace upon one's family and band.


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5/12/96