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Subj: Account in Arrears
Date: 97-06-24 16:25:24 EDT
Dear Mr Dan:
It is our sad duty to inform you that your credit limit at the Laguna Ritz Carlton has been exceeded and that your guest Mr Stend'or of the Rill is still in residence in Suite 305. The total cost to date of his visit is in excess of $67,538.00 and is rising as we speak. This amount includes $23,486 to replace much of the hotel's laundry equipment, which had been irreparably damaged by a thick residue of what turned out to be ionic aluminum left on all the sheets and linens. Moreover, Mr of the Rill has proven to be a noisome and unruly guest, and has evidently been entertaining continuously since his arrival here. It is believed that guests have been removed unconscious from the suite and taken elsewhere in a black station wagon on three separate occasions.
This situation must be resolved expediently if you wish to remain a client in good standing of the Ritz Carlton Corporation. It may be necessary to send your agent or agents to the hotel to speak to Mr of the Rill in his native tongue and to escort him off the premises. Please do so at once.
Thank you for your consideration
Wesley Shanks, Assistant Manager
Yikes! This is indeed a sorry state of affairs, n'est-ce-fucking-pas? But no worries, Shanks - I am dispatching my man Les Weaver this very day to fall by your place and straighten out this Stendahl character and settle our bill. I confidently predict that things will be right as rain by the end of the business day Friday.