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To: Whom
It May Concern, State Department USA
From: Donald Fagen and Walter Becker, Founders,
Steely Dan
Date: July 24, 2006 |
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Gentleman:
Like all good Americans, and despite our
busy touring schedule,
we have been closely following the dire
developments in the Middle East. We are
particularly concerned with the plight
of Americans stranded in the war-torn
state of Lebanon and with the faltering
attempts to evacuate them.
As you may already know, we are currently
performing nightly with Michael McDonald,
formerly of the Doobie Brothers. Mike
is a long time collaborator of ours and
moreover a close personal friend of defense
expert Jeff "Skunk" Baxter.
So you could check out Mike's bona fides
with Jeff (unless he is, as we suspect,
already "in-country" on a mission
and thus unreachable). Anyhoo, Mike is
the proud owner of a smallish yacht which
we would like to volunteer for whatever
kind of evacuation plan is now being
contemplated by you or the DOD.
Mike's boat holds about seven people
and is in relatively shipshape condition.
It has a working head and two sports
fishing stations on the poopdeck or whatever
you call that part of the boat. There's
lots of fishing tackle and assorted goodies,
including the latest iteration of the
famous "Bass-O-Matic" lures.
There is also a bitching stereo on board,
chock full of smooth 70's and early 80's
classics — Chris Cross, Mike & Steely
McD, Kenny Loggins, Pablo Cruise, you
name it. There is also a small selection
of what have come to be known as "doo-wop" classics
and a fine anthology of Atlantic-era
Ray Charles. So it would be a very comfortable
trip for the four or five lucky evacuees.
There is room on the front deck for a
20 mm deck cannon.
The name of the boat is Yamo
B. but
it occurs to us that there are already
too many funny-sounding names in the
news these days. Thus it could be changed
to something more appropriate, such as
Babylon Sista.
Please let us know as soon as possible
if there is a role for this splendid
vessel in this historic evacuation. We
have not yet spoken to Mike about this
plan but we feel confident he will be
willing to help. Time is of the essence
— Mike's boat is currently deployed is
his front yard in Nashville, so whatever
lead time we can get would be helpful
in ensuring the success of our mission.
We sincerely hope you will consider
this generous offer and let us contribute
to the effort. We certainly don't want
to have to send Mike over there as a
private citizen to pitch in — there's
been more than enough celebrity hotdogging
at various disaster scenes as it is.
In exchange for Mike's help, would you
consider a link to Steelydan.com com
on the FEMA website? It doesn't seem
like much to ask for when there are American
lives hanging in the balance.
Our manager Irving Azoff will be expecting
your call. So long for now!
Donald Fagen and Walter Becker
Founders, Steely Dan
P.S. In future communications,
this prospective action will be referred
to by the code name "Operation Minute
By Minute", except on weekends and
bank holidays, try "Operation Sweet
Little Steely D". Okay? |